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REALITY'S bITCH:  DOOMSDAY'S CHILD PRODIGY
THE OFFICIAL BIOGRAPHY

SHE COMES IN PEACE and MEANS YOU NO HARM


Born in a little log condominium, the daughter of ignorant shareholders, Reality's bitch [and though she doesn't worry her beautiful mind about such things, that would be "bitch" as in "property of," as opposed to "bitch" as in "rhymes with witch"] has a nom for every plume. Parents and teachers knew her as Trouble, friends and co-workers insist she is The Analator, and, at the toppermost top of the highermost highest mountain in Tibetermost Tibet, she is called Barbi Ram Das Bodhi O'Doh Dipdu Wao Yeh.

Educated despite early, prolonged, repeated, and intense exposure to Academia, Rb was a child prodigy, receiving her PhD at the tender age of 15 from the Department of Bullshitology at a fully-accredited University which shall, for the nonce, remain nameless. Upon completion of her coursework, the Department's founder and Chairman wrote, with some prescience:  She spoils no child, she spares no rod, she drifts in love, and balls with God.


HOBBIES:  Amateur Surgeon [only operates on friends, or at parties]
ADDICTION:  Oxford Commas
NOW LISTENING TO:  A Different Drummer


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CRITICS ARE RAVING

"I laughed, I cried, I called my lawyer!"
Anonymous

"When they broke the mold, they made her!"
Ibid

"She's given new meaning to my life, and she's cuter than Jodie Foster!"
John Hinckley, Jr

"I AM not coming back until she apologizes!"
Jesus H. Christ

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